That thing when you are wanting to lose weight, so you look ahead and count the weeks until summer, or your trip, or an event-and you calcuate how much weight you can lose by them. As in, "I have four weeks until summer. If I lose two pounds a week until then, that is eight pounds I could lose by summer!"
This, of course, started several weeks ago. And as each week passes and I don't lose any weight, my timeline gets shorter.
I hate this and it makes me so sad.
After my surgery (when I was in the honeymoon phase) I was just sure I'd never diet again. I would very happily mentally check out of any conversation my friends were having about diets. If they were talking about the latest diet craze, or how so and so had lost this much weight doing that diet, I would smugly think to myself, "None of this applies to me anymore! I am not that person anymore!"
Except here I am, five and half years later, and I am. I am that person again. Feeling sad about my weight gain, and trying to find a way to lose it again. Granted, I am still much smaller than pre-surgery. Someday I'll post my whole story, but the short of it is that on the morning of my surgery I weight 269. At my lowest weight I was 159. Looking back at pictures, that was pretty darn skinny for me. (I'm 5'9") My husband has even said it was too skinny. (Whaaaaaa?) A friend of mine told me I had chicken legs. (Ugh. That's a whole other post.)
I am currently sitting at 200 pounds. My weight gain has stopped, which is good. Some days I tell myself, "Geez! Show yourself some grace! You are still a good 70 pounds lighter than before which is still pretty awesome!" But mostly I look at my muffin top and get very frustrated!
But I do want to lose weight. And I need to find a way. With the surgery, I lost weight without doing the hard work-the emotional life lesson work. Now it's time I dig in. Just hang with me while I try and get there.
Chicken legs here I come!! (Oh, how I miss those chicken legs!!)
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